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How to Build Back Self-Esteem After Shame and Abuse

Crystal Fuller



After years of being in an abusive relationship, Lisa was finally able to divorce her husband and escape that situation. She felt like that was all she needed to feel free and whole again. However, she was surprised to find she didn’t feel whole. After years of emotional abuse, she had started to believe those horrible words and was struggling to find her self-worth.

So many people like Lisa, who have been in a physical or emotionally abusive relationship feel shame and have low self-esteem. They have forgotten who they are and the potential of what they can become. They tend to blame themselves for the situation they were in. This is not true! Abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser.

You are beautiful inside and out! You are lovable, there is light and hope ahead. You do not have to live with the words or feelings that were created by a manipulative ex-partner. It’s time to stop blaming yourself.


The following tips can give you a place to start your journey on finding your self-worth.

  1. Replace negative thoughts with positive things you are good at.

  2. Take pride in your self-care. Such as eating a healthy diet and exercising to release endorphins and relieve stress.

  3. Relax by meditating or taking a bath. Whatever works for you.

  4. Set realistic goals and write them down.

  5. Find someone to serve.

  6. Look at things with a new perspective. Instead of assuming something is too hard, give it a try and find out.

  7. Try new things to find a creative outlet

  8. Surround yourself with only those who make you feel positive and happy.

  9. Accept who you are and remember that no one is perfect.

  10. Keep visual reminders of the neat things you have been working on.


Regaining your self-confidence requires a daily commitment. It will not always be easy, and some days may be harder than others. Just remember that you are a survivor. You were brave enough to remove yourself from an abusive situation and you now have the courage to rebuild yourself.

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